You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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