saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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