Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
