She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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