Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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