i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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