All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
