Swine flu. Run for my life!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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