Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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