It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
