You're a womanizer and a bitch.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
