girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
