anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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