I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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