i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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