oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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