I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
