Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
