I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
