I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
