Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
