I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
