Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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