Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
