Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
