I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
