ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
