the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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