i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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