so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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