everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
