No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
