after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
