Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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