How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
