I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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