She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You took a bar mat shot.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
