Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
