At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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