they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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