hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
