There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
