p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
