Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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