help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
