Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
