saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
