Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
