I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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