I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
