he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
